Sorry Dapper Laughs, we’ve heard it all before

Dapper Laughs - thinking the word Boob

I’m sorry Mr. Dapper Laughs but I’m here to inform you that your comedy has already been done. The punchline has already been punched – just like a woman! HAHA! You see what I just did there? I made a joke about domestic violence and it was funny (presumably) because 2 women a week die in the UK from such abuse. I bet you wish you had thought it up! And this is what I mean, all jokes about women have already been done.

The patriarchy has been in effect for the last 200,000 years, assuming that homo sapiens idaltu were as sexist as you. Even if they weren’t, it’s fair to say that men have been dominating the jokesphere for most of civilisation. I mean, female acts still only account for 17% of all entertainment at The Edinburgh Fringe (keep in mind this is the highest percentage in the history of the Fringe and that we live in 2015). So I think it’s safe to say, that all jokes at the expense of women have been done.

They’re over.

It’s all been said.

After thousands of years the arse in which these jokes have been pulled from has run out of gas.

But just in case, Dapper Laughs, you have been living in a bubble for most of your life and do genuinely believe that your sex offender-esque humour is something new, I have compiled a list of all women-based jokes that have been told through history.

Because we’ve all heard the one about:

How women can’t drive
Can’t play sport
Can’t understand sport
Can’t manage money
Spend too much money
Shop too much
Clean too much
Don’t clean enough
Should clean more
Should make sandwiches
Should only be making sandwiches
Should give blow-jobs
Are great at blow-jobs
Are shit at blow-jobs
Should be doing more blow-jobs
Be having more sex
Be having less sex
Stop looking like sluts
Look more like sluts
Only care about babies
Want more babies
Can only talk about babies
Talk too much
Talk too much about men
Talk too much about other women
Are not funny
Are total bitches
Are total whores
Are total prudes
Are all liars
Are all lying about getting raped
Are all lying about getting punched
Deserved to get raped
Deserved to get punch
Need a ‘right seeing to’
Need a man
Need a husband
Need to be quiet
Need to be grateful

And finally, need to stop hearing terrible jokes about women from men.

There you go Dapper Laughs. All the women jokes. So now that you know your services aren’t needed, you can go back into the primordial ooze from which you came.

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