No Sandwiches: Lemon Chicken Pasta Recipe

It’s Good Friday, the day that Jesus died in a bloody torturous scene, and therefore a day of romance. Jesus died and therefore we feel ALIVE! We need to grab those that we love and seduce them like a panda would.

For reference, here's a picture of a seducing panda. He got moves.

For reference, here’s a picture of a seductive panda. He got moves.

Nothing says ‘get in my pants’ like Italian food. The Italians just know how to do romance, and I’m convinced this is linked to their ability to make buttery and delicious carbs. I’m talking pasta baby.

This recipe for Lemon Chicken Pasta is everything you want from a meal. It’s tasty, it’s cheap, and it takes no time at all.

Because on this magical holiday you don’t want to spend your day cooking, you want to spend it watching crap TV and having sex. Oh! And you should be thinking about Jesus, like, for about 10-15 minutes. Funnily enough, that’s how long pasta takes to cook.

Lemon Chicken Pasta


  • Chicken Breast (or thigh fillets), chopped into chunks
  • Lemon
  • Garlic, finely chopped
  • Courgette, sliced
  • Green Beans – I used frozen
  • Pasta – I used Fettucine
  • Extra Virgin Olive oil


1. Heat some oil in a frying pan. Meanwhile boil a kettle and get your pasta cooking. If you’re using fettucine, make sure you add some oil into the water; otherwise it’ll stick together like a bitch.

2. Add your garlic into the oil. Fry for a minute and add courgette.

3. Now throw in your chicken. Make sure it’s nicely seasoned before you add your bird to the pan. Cook chicken for 10-15 minutes.



4. Cook your green beans. Here’s a cheat, if you’re using frozen stuff and the quality is already dubious, put them in a plastic jug and fill it with boiling hot water. Place this jug in the microwave and heat on full power for 3-4 minutes. Once cooked, drain them, season them and add them into the pan with your chicken.

5. Drain your pasta and add to the pan with all your other shit.

6. Squeeze in the juice of one lemon, then remove from heat and drizzle in some olive oil. Now TOSS IT!

7. Taste it and add some more seasoning if needed. Then plate up and eat up.


And there you have it – delicious lemon chicken pasta, and one impressed/horny dinner guest. Jesus would be proud.


Shortly after posting this recipe, it was pointed out to me that on Good Friday you’re not supposed to eat meat. My bad. 

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